u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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