1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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