I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
