Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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