Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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