Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
