is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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