too bad you live with your parents still
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
