You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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