i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
