will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
