if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize