drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
