I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
