i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
