You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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