Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
