i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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