my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
