I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
