...so i touched it.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The best revenge is premature balding
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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