I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
