My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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