i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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