ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Randomize
