Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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