I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
