So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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