So drunk, too bad you don't want this
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
