the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
