So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
