he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Someone signed my nipple.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize