Even my vagina gasped.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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