oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
