shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
