cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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