sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
