they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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