Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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