oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
