i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
40s are totally the cure
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
