Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
