I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
