that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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