corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm always down for nudity.
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