I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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