also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
