i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
