We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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