Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Someone came in the potted fern
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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