I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
