I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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