I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
