My girlfriend figured out who you are.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
