I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
