So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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