Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
