Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
