something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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