Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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