thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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