my soul wont recognize me after tonight
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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