DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
