last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
