Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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