wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
