So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
