I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
