You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
