I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
